May The Best Milkshake Win
by Eldawen
Summary: Hogwarts Dance Off between Harry and Malfoy, quite hilarious. Review, won't you?


"Well. _Anyone?_" drawled Snape, as he slowly paced about his the class. Hermoine's hand had been in the air for six minutes now but it was understandible why he didn't call on her; the hand was hidden behind her afro of brown hair. "Weasley!" Snape snapped, bringing Ron back from a good dream that included alot of Fleur Delacour.

"I'll take _French Delectibles _for 500, Alex!" He shouted, bolting upright out of his seat. Snape's lip curled as the class errupted in laughter.

"75 points from Gryffindor for sleeping in class." Ron's jaw dropped incredulously. Harry began to laugh uncontrollably.

"Jesus Potter," Malfoy yelled to The Boy Who Just Won't Die. "Don't shit yourself!" Harry insantly stopped laughing and began to glare at Malfoy.

"Shut up, Malfoy! I'll have you know I haven't shat myself since I was four!"

"-Teen," giggled Malfoy. The other Slytherins laughed nervously. What the hell was Malfoy giggling for?

"How dare you impune my maniliness!" growled Harry, offended by Malfoy's childishness.

"Um, Harry...Um, you've got no manliness." Whispered Hermione. Harry turned fuchsia.

"Oh yeah! Well I'll prove I do!" He turned back to Malfoy. "Malfoy, I challenge you to AAAAAA..." there was a drumroll and an odd flash of mulicolored lights filled the dungeon. "DANCE-OFF!" Harry struck what he thought was an agressive pose, but he just looked like a prat. Everyone quieted. All eyes were on Draco. He stood up and puffed out his chest.

"I accept, Potter!" He said in a manly voice. The class cheered and carried the two off to the Great Hall. Snape remained stock still in front of Ron's desk. _What the hell has the world come to?_ He thought. And without much further musing, he skipped away to watch the dance-off, only stopping to add a little more grease to his hair.

* * *

The students gathered around in a circle, the entire student body and the teachers had turned out for it. Dumbledore was wearing disco pants and Lustful!Minerva was eyeing him. Luna Lovegood wore a life-sized Michael Flatley who she charmed to Riverdance on her hat. Lustful!Flitwick ignored the urge to smack the well-defined Irish butt. 

"All right then," said Harry, striking his most dramaitc! pose. "Do we have any cardboard boxes in the house?" There was a murmur in the crowd and then somebody started rummaging in Hermione's hair.

"Found one Harry!" Shouted Ginny as she hurled the box to the center of the circle, where it collapsed perfectly. Harry winked at her in a 'I'll see you tonight' way and Ginny threw up a little in her mouth.

"Do we have any duct tape?" There was another rummage through Hermione's hair but she just shrugged. Malfoy tapped Harry shoulder and handed him some tape. "Where'd you get this?" He asked.

"Somebody told me I had alot of shit up the wazoo, so I just looked in there. What? Wishing _you_ had a wazoo, Potter?" Malfoy said, smirking at his all-together betterness. Harry just duct-taped the flattened box to the floor. As soon as he finished, Disco!Ron, with rose glasses that clashed horribly with his red hair, entered the ring.

"All right chaps, there's only one rule in Fight Club: You don't talk about Fight Club." He stopped as Hermione whispered something in his ear. "Oh shit, really? Well I'll be damned. Okay. There's only one rule in a Dance-Off: No serving someone below the belt. All right? Yeah? May the one whose milkshakes bring the most boys to the yard win!" He turned on the boombox and the two ponces in the center began to loosen up.

Harry shimmied a little to the left, Draco shook a little to the right. Harry did a Disco, Draco Hustled. All of a sudden Draco broke into a Macarana and Harry felt himself getting served severely on the shoulder.

"You asked for it Malfoy!" Shrieked Harry as he began to...dear God...Jazzercise. Harry promptly flew backward into the onlooking crowd, and blacked out.

When he came to, he was in the hospital wing and the largest lint ball he'd ever seen was inches from his face.

"Jesus Hermione! You could suffocate a body with that hairdo!" Said Ron, pulling her back and letting Harry breathe.

"Wha happened?" asked Harry. Ron looked at him sadly.

"You, er...Harry, you got served. By yourself. You danced so badly you served yourself right into a concussion. In fact, the blast from your self-serve served Malfoy, Ginny, and everyone else in a ten-foot radius. Michael Flatley fled in terror." Harry smiled.

"Well...I must be pretty manly to have served all those people." He said proudly. Ron was so mind-boggled by that thought he fell into an idiot-induced coma. Hermione passed out. Harry just blinked. "Was it something I said?" he asked a portait, which remained still, hoping Harry was colorblind and had weak eyesight. Disheartened, Harry went down to the commons and found Draco in a circle of admirers.

"Malfoy, the best man won." He said sadly. Draco's eyes filled with tears.

"Oh Harry, you mean it?" He cried, flinging himself onto Harry. "I've earned your respect!" he sobbed. "This is the happiest day of my life!" The crowd began to edge away, clearly uncomfortable with the two biggest prats in school hugging.

"Really Draco?" Said Harry, through a shimmering film of tears.

"Really!" said Draco.

"BFF4E!" Squealed Harry and Draco together. And they lived happily ever after, and never insulted eachother's manliness again, even though we all know Malfoy was manliest.


End file.
